sábado, 17 de marzo de 2007

Crònica d'urgència d'una cremà

23: 35 h. Amb el mos encara en la gola abandone amb un coet al cul (petard, masclet, tronador... o com es vulga dir, que no sóc cap especialista en la matèria) el pis on hospitalàriament m’han convidat a sopar per tal d’assistir a la meua primera cremà.

Estic una mica tens, nerviós, com un xiquet de nou anys disfressat de patró de vaixell el dia de la primera comunió. A més, per si no fóra poc, m’han repetit un milió de vegades que sóc un privilegiat, ja que no vaig a vore com es converteix en cendra un monument qualsevol, sinó el primer premi de secció especial, és a dir, com l´Óscar a la millor pel·lícula en la cerimònia de Hol·lywood en versió fallera de la Ribera, quasi res pinta el diari!

Submergit en les meues cabòries i després de vorejar la carpa blanca d’un immens hospital de campanya que deu haver muntat la Creu Roja Espanyola en aquest lloc tan cèntric de la ciutat, he deixat enrere la Plaça Major. I ja que passàvem, he intentat ni que fóra per un instant parar-me a contemplar la falla que allí es troba, però els meus acompanyants m’ha mirat de reüll com perdonant-me la vida — Però que fas? no perdes el temps, no veus que tenim pressa! — i d’un estiró m’han abocat al carrer Benito Pérez Galdós.

He enfilat el carrer cap amunt i de sobte he ensopegat amb un riu, no el Xúquer o el Verd, sinó de gent, olors, sorolls i colors. Hi ha de tot, com en les cases riques: llum, llum i més llum, que sembla la cavalcada de les Gaiates de Castelló (per cert, qui collons paga la factura! ), serà que tot és fosc, que no es veuran, però no!, més bé al contrari, que Santa Llúcia els conserve la vista!, perquè fins i tot hi ha una colla que ha passat pel meu costat que segur que almenys hi veien doble; la música a tot volum (ai déu meu!, si el mestre Serrano alçara el cap i escoltara els seus pasdobles per aquestos altaveus de macrodiscoteca), que jo pense: “els veïns, o són fallers (si no pots amb el teu enemic uneix-te a ells), o estan més sords que una tàpia (del defecte es fa virtut) o ja me’ls imagine a una tranquil·la platja del Carib desitjant que arribe prompte el dia 20, mentre assaboreixen un mojito”.
I del vestuari què em dius!, sembla els passeig marítim de Cullera una nit d’agost: hi ha els que llueixen ben orgullosos el seu uniforme de diari amb tantes xapes, insígnies i escutets que semblen l’home del paraigua que tots els anys seu a la primera fila en el sorteig de la loteria de nadal; també podem trobar els que han reservat la roba de “mudar” per a aquesta nit i la llueixen amb arte i salero ; hi ha els que van més informals, ja que amb els dos trajes a la rentadora, confien que amb el blusó ja cobriran l’expedient; també passegen els qui han optat per la discreció, antics components de la comissió que amb molt de dissimulo s’apropen per inspeccionar la falla mentre li prometen a la parella que l’any que ve segur que tornen a apuntar-se; i per suposat, el president, que com un dissenyador d’alta costura abans d’una desfilada, supervisa amb posat circumspecte tots els preparatius.

Observem de ben a prop com crema la falla menuda, després d’haver patit nombrosos atacs de dimonis de metre i mig aprenents de pirotècnic que somriuen maliciosament mentre et fan esclatar un petard entre les cames, buscant el rostre dels seus progenitors per dir-los quatres coses, xoque amb la cara d’autocomplaença dels seus pares que et miren volent-te dir:
— Què anem a fer, si són xiquets
“Que, què vas a fer?” — pense jo — “doncs engabiar-los, emmanillar-los i traure’ls a passejar nugats d’una corda”.

Dues, tres, quatre hores més tard ...encara continue palplantat allí enmig esperant al foc purificador. Ara que... més cremat que jo sabent que porte allí quatre hores, que són les tres del matí i que a l’endemà treballe, segur que no estarà la falla ni quan l’encenguen. Em fique molt desficiós, la població autòctona intenta tranquil·litzar-me:
— No patisques que no tardaran, però és que has de tindre en compte que la cremà d’aquesta falla és complicada i fan falta quatre cubes.
Quatre cubes, sí, la de Fidel i tres més!, serà possible. A mi no m’enganyen, açò és pur merchandansing, només es tracta de crear més expectació, guanyar audiència i gaudir uns minuts més d’una visió tan harmoniosa i colorista.

No m’ho puc creure, per fi arriben els bombers, i després resulta que la fama d’impuntuals se l’emporten pintors, fusters i fontaners... i aquestos què?, arriben tard, se fiquen el casc per a què no els reconeguen i com si foren xiquets comencen a banyar-se els uns als altres.

El soroll d’un traca que envolta el monument marca el principi de la fi, ràpidament pren el remat i comença la cremà...
(m’agradaria contar-vos tot el que succeí després, però s’ho haureu d’imaginar, perquè jo el que es veure no vaig poder veure res. No per ser baixet, no per estar tapat, no per estar entretingut xarrant amb el meu amic sinó simplement perquè no vaig veure res, gràcies en part a la fumarada densa que envoltà la falla i que m’impedí ni tan sols intuir que passava en el nucli del monument).

Acabe de travessar la Creu Coberta (com en casa en cap lloc), abans he hagut de caminar fins quasi la Sala Rex (la Natura) per retrobar-me amb el meu cotxe (és una sort poder aparcar on vols ací en Alzira), i mentre encenc l’intermitent dret recorde tot allò que acabe de viure per primera volta.

Em desperte a la matinada, encara entre somnis imagine Asterix i el dr. House com jo fa unes poques hores enmig de la multitud contemplant la cremà de la falla. El xicotet guerrer gal es dirigeix al popular metge i mentre amb el dit es colpeja el cap li diu:
—Estan bojos, aquests alzirenys.

A continuació i després d’adreçar-li una mirada de contrarietat, el peculiar doctor li contesta:
Res d’això, el diagnòstic és ben clar, no es tracta d’una alienació mental transitòria, estimat gal, sinó més ben d’un trastorn festiu compulsiu, fruit d’una inhalació excessiva de pólvora, d’una audició abusiva de pasdobles i música de xaranga, i de l’alt nivell de condensació etílica que flota en l’atmosfera. Però tranquil, no patisques per ells, demà tots curats, i l’any que ve més.
Visèkimé
PS. Per a la Falla Camí Nou que ha tingut a bé incloure aquest article al seu llibret, per a la Malva per la tasca ben feta i justament recompensada i per a tots aquells que no han tirat la tovalla i lluiten perquè el valencià (normatiu i viu) continue ocupant un lloc important i digne en aquesta festa.

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А как вы считаете, ребенка все-таки стоит воспитывать в окружении заботы и любви, либо стоит проявлять к нему жесткость с ранних лет? У какого ребенка в будущем будет больше шансов преуспеть в жизни? У меня есть сын 9 лет, я пытаюсь научить его тому, что нельзя никому доверять, что нужно уметь давать отпор и быть самостоятельным. Если бежит ко мне с обидами на друзей, говорю: разбирайся сам, ты уже взрослый.

Муж наоборот, всячески демонстрирует свою любовь, заступается за сына, и потакает всем его желаниям. Уже была масса споров с ним на эту тему, но от своей линии поведения он отступать не намерен. Может, я в чем-то не права? Или нужно настаивать на своей позиции?
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